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For the past many weeks I have been a part of numerous debates about Aurat March; from explaining what the march is about, it’s importance in the present age and time, to people messaging me personally, some publicly engaging on public platforms; resulting in a mixed reaction to it all with some agreeing with me while others opposing.
So let’s give the story another try.
I marched for the millions who were molested, raped, immodestly touched, sexually abused and cat-called irrespective of their gender.
My placard for the Aurat March 2020 read “Shame the Culprit, Not the Victim.”
This is not just a line, it is a statement loaded with words expressing anger, shame, hate, apologetic behavior, disbelief and crime.
I marched for the millions who were molested, raped, immodestly touched, sexually abused and cat-called irrespective of their gender.
I marched for the young and old, who were not taught to say No.
I marched for those who wanted to say No but froze due to many unknown fears.
I marched for those who were told – “move on, it’s in the past.”
I marched for those who are continually triggered by even a shadow, on hearing a story or even a smell.
I marched for those who suffer from PTSD with no succor in sight.
I marched for those still seeking justice.
I marched for those who have lost their battle even before they could tell someone.
I marched for those whose bodies were thrown in the garbage.
I marched for those told that since you did not speak up then, why are you speaking now?
I marched for those wearing an Abaya, a frock, or a shalwar kameez when it happened.
I marched for those who were barely months old and knew nothing of life.
I marched for the differently-abled and often defenseless.
I marched for those learning the Quran reciting He is the protector!
I marched for those taking tuitions.
I marched for those who were made to sit by the driver in his lap.
I marched for those whose mothers did not listen to their cry, or see their condition!
I marched for those whose fathers were cowards.
I marched for those who had no one to talk to.
I marched for those who cried themselves to sleep.
I marched for those who left the house to earn a decent living in an exploitative world!
I marched for those unable to have a healthy physical relationship as memories haunt them.
I marched for those who have been told “When you can’t stop it, enjoy it.”
I marched for those who wanted to go to report the molestation but the system, the reputation of the police and the family’s honor did not allow.
I marched for those who were silenced by being told “log kia kaheinge?” (What will people say?)
I marched for those who were told they were no longer a virgin so we can’t marry you.
I marched for those who were told “tum to khuli hui ho, kia fark parta hia?” (You are not a virgin, so what does it matter?)
I marched for those who were accused that “tum ne hi kuch kia hoga” (You must have done something).
I marched for those afraid of marriage as they are no more a virgin.
I marched for those who could not abort the ‘najaez’ (illegitimate) child.
I marched for those who risked their lives to abort and died bleeding.
I marched for those who lost their smiles and souls forever!
And I marched for many others….
These nauseating and unforgiving words are not mine, these words have not been used randomly, but these are words commonly used against victims of sexual abuse. This is the mindset; mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, colleagues, friends and society as a whole shams the victim.
But who, when and how will the abuser be shamed?
I marched for those who have lost their battle even before they could tell someone.
Today’s women don’t want their future generation to have to say ‘Me Too.’ We have lived with admonitions like “Baahir mat nikalo zamana kharab hia, Mard ka tumhe nai pata, Maghrib se pehle wapis aa jana.” Not that any of this makes any difference as most of the molesters are found even within families.
Being women of Pakistan, we want to be free from the fear of going to a Police Station to report about the abuser, to let justice do its course, to see investigations influenced by people with money or fame, to not have families and victims threatened to withdrawn their complaints; we want the Two Finger Test to be banned; and women should not be ridiculed during hearings.
We would like to see the Cyber Crime Wing becoming more active in resolving online cases. We want an end to women being raped in jail. We want a confidential helpline to counsel the victim. We want parents and family to be educated to understand that the victim’s body was violated not their ‘izzat,’ and we want every child irrespective of gender to be trained in karate and self-defense. We would like to see vulnerable aged people carry Tasers and Pepper Spray (including learning to make it in schools), and be trained in their use.
Harassment, molestation and shamming are rampant as the perpetrators everywhere now that they can get away because no one will believe the victim, or honor and related issues will intervene and in many cases they will go scot free while their victim will be shammed if not killed!
About the writer
R. Umaima Ahmed is a journalist, digital rights and security activist with an interest in strategic studies. Last but not the least an animal person.
